i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
