i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
honey bunches of taint.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
