oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
