I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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