whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
