Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
