Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
