I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
