I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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