yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
