Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
