His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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