Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
