I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
