It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
