I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
