Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
