i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
