haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
