You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
