U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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