Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
