Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
