I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
