Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
