A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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