i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
