Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
