the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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