Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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