Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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