Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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