She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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