he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
