Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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