But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
