Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
