Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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