Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
