One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize