Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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