yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
