he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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