im about as happy as oj after his trial
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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