My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
