Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
