So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
