I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
