We won't sleep together?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All the doctor said was why
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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