GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
