He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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