my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
