Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
