she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
