I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
