I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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