i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
