I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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