In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize