when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
