sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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