Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
