I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I will be naked everywhere
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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