margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
