i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sext me about skeletons
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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