He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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