You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
